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How to fix a broken iPhone

September 10, 2012

“OH noooooes!!!” You cry.

“I have dropped my iPhone (or pet) on a concrete floor.” You say.

“Disaster has stricken!”  You weep.

DO NOT FEAR. I implore

There is a fix for this:


Take a small piece of the concrete floor, just a speck will do, place this in a glass of water (tap water is fine but be careful with all that fluoride!! (maybe natural rain water is better I keep buckets in my shed (my shed has a leaky roof) but anyway) I digress)

SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE the water with the tiny piece of concrete in it. First this way, then that, then that other way, twenty times each. (You may like to listen to some suitable shaking music at this point as it takes a bit of time (oddly Shakin’ Stevens doesn’t work as well as I had expected). This shaking is called succession.

Now take one drop of this first glass of water and place it in another. Shake it in the same manner described above. Repeat this process at least 20 to 30 times. If the screen on your phone is very badly cracked then I would recommend 35 successions.

If you have done this successfully then we can get ready to fix that dropped iPhone (or child).

Now, simply place the iPhone into the glass of Homeopathic concrete remedy and leave overnight.

It really is that simple.

Do let me know how you got on in the comments below. If you can read this bit then this crap has been stolen from or the background colour has changed


From → Science

  1. iphone6pluslover9000 permalink

    Wow! The first seven times my screen broke, I had to replace it for 200 bucks each time, but this is really amazing! I tried it with 15 successions the first time because I was too impatient, so the cracks only got slightly less visible. But the second time I used 35, as you suggested, and voilá – the cracks look like mere scratches, only visible in direct sunlight! But since you are a specialist, can you tell me – will those tiny remaining scratches interfere with the iPhone 6 Bend® technology? (As seen here:
    It would be cool if you could help me, because I already made a mold of my hand in which I want my iPhone 6 Plus to be bent!

    • Thanks for commenting iphone6pluslover9000 (you must have been very swift to be only the 9000th person needing that username). You should be fine as the bend technology will be even more supple now you’ve homeopathed up your phone. It’s possible you could even make a full 45degree bend.

  2. Iphone6pluslover8999 permalink

    Omg, this is fantastic! I wonder if you all can tell me anything about the new Wave charging feature? I dont actually have a microwave yet but i’m getting one just for this, better than running out of battery lol.

    • Yes, of course my fast friend, this is a cost effective way of both charging your iPhone and making a tasty sNack.

      Try not to confuse it with the New Wave charging feature though, which will allow your iPhone to summon the likes of Simon le Bon, David Byrne and Siouxsie Sioux to your side. They will then charge into battle against your chosen foe and their hordes.

      Just make sure you don’t use the wrong one at your nana’s house! lol

      • GalaxyS3Lover1 permalink

        As a Galaxy S3 lover, I find this incredibly offensive, and as a good christian, I do not believe in summonings.

        • I’m by no means an expert but I believe that for Android handsets you can go to Settings> Tethering & Networks> VPN and select the Virtual Prayer Network for Yahweh. This will enable all virtual prayers to go directly to The Lord of Host Networks rather than a young Paul Weller or Debbie Harry.

          • GalaxyS3Lover1 permalink

            Oh wow, hey thanks! Sorry for yelling at you earlier and calling you a f***ing c*nt.

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